Archive for February, 2012

Death of a dream?

Recently, I had a ‘dream’ that I wanted to pursue. Not the kind of dream that one has at night while you sleep but the kind of dream that you have ‘a strongly desired goal or purpose’ (Merriam-Webster) to complete.  I had prayed about this dream and ‘knew’ it had God’s approval so I thought that it would have the resolution that I expected.  I had shared this dream with a few friends and asked them to pray for God’s Will and that Dave and I would have a unified decision.  I would get excited as more details came to light and it appeared that this could likely happen.  As time went on, it came down to the day of the big decision.   As Dave and I discussed the dream, it became apparent that the current economy was a big factor in whether this dream could be accomplished or not.  While going through this process and finding out it wouldn’t be a reality, I figured out that I was going through the Kübler-Ross model of the 5 stages of grief (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model ).  The 5 stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  The stages of grief were originally meant for those going through terminal illness but then the model was expanded ” to apply to  any form of catastrophic personal loss” (same resource).  My area of denial — I did NOT believe that the economic part of this decision would prevent me from achieving the dream.  I was doing everything to figure out a way to make this happen!   I don’t remember doing any bargaining with God on this decision other than not understanding why He wouldn’t grant me the dream since I knew this was something He would approve of.  However, it was not to be.  I was angry!  I was definitely grieving the loss of this dream becoming a reality.  I asked my friends to pray for acceptance and I am very close to accepting this loss.  But in the midst of this loss and the stages of grief, I am hopeful.  Why?  Because I have a hope that is eternal and all the disappointments of this life are “momentary troubles [that] achieve us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all”. (2 Corin. 4:17). Another scripture passage that has meant a lot during this ‘death of a dream’, is this:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but wealso rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:1-5)

It is possible that some day this dream will happen and it is not really dead.  It is just put on hold for now and if God will allow the dream to come true, He will open all the doors.  Until then,  I need to be at peace with this decision and I should rejoice in these sufferings which ultimately lead to hope – a hope that does not disappoint.

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On January 8th, I wrote about One Word, and talked about a website where you can learn about making a different kind of resolution.  Thinking or praying about One Word in your character or life that you would like to change for the year instead of making resolutions that you seem to forget about or fail just a few weeks into the new year.  I thought I’d check in to see how your “One Word” is going and I would share my adventure as well.

For me, I decided to stick with the same word that I was thinking about in January.  Consistency.  I want to be more consistent in the things that are important to me and try some new things that should be important.  I am doing pretty well in some areas and not so well in others.  Some areas that I want to be consistent in are: reading my Bible, writing in my blog and exercising.

In the Bible reading, I read a very short devotional in the morning and then read and study a Psalm in the evening.  I have actually done well on the morning devotionals but the evening Psalm study has been sporadic.  I will get the Psalm read but not really dig into it.  My excuse is being tired but out of all the ‘consistencies’, this one is the most important and I need to get it done.  Not just because I want to reach consistency in this area but when I spend that quality time in God’s Word, I have a better frame of mind, my focus stays more on the things of God instead of the things of man.

Writing in my blog…the goal was three times a week.  This has been sporadic but I did blog at least 3x in one of the weeks of January.  I really feel if I keep up the writing more consistently, then it will feel more natural and hopefully, it will become easier.  Even though, there is still room for improvement, I am feeling better about blogging more consistently than I did last year and even last fall.

The one that is always a challenge in the winter and hard to get motivated to do is exercise.  I did accomplish being more consistent with this area and did work out at least 3x a week.  Three times is the minimum that I wanted to do and I have at least been consistent in this area.  I have to say I don’t have consistent days but I don’t know that is all that important.  To me, the most important is getting there and getting the exercise that is so needed to strengthen my back and core muscles.  My back already feels stronger and I have much better posture.  The first few weeks I mostly worked out by myself and now Dave and I are finding times to go together.  We have gotten some biking done on the bike trainers which is great preparation for our summer bike trip to camp.  We have been eyeing the Cycling classess but we’ve only glanced in the window and thought it looked pretty intense.  We are hoping to get up the courage to try it out one of these weeks.  Since I made it through January, we officially signed up for February and already worked out 2x this month!  I am hoping that I will continue to be consistent in this area.  It is great for my back to be feeling stronger but I am also hoping that the more frequent workouts will result in less time spent at the chiropractor this year.

So what about you?  What’s your One Word?  Have you been doing it this past month?  If not, why not start now?  You still have 11 months to try and see if you can accomplish something in your life with just One Word.

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